PAC-10 Week 9 Recap

After gratuitously receiving Michael’s Penix at homecoming, the Chard looked to bounce back with a solid week of PAC-10 football. Unlike the actual PAC, there will be no memorials hosted for this league anytime soon as things continue to heat up. While it was a low scoring week across the board as many teams had byes (Dean started fucking AOC), there were plenty of close matchups that came down to the wire. Just as the playoff and sacko races seemed to be getting airtight, Pete reclaimed his crown atop the league and Aidan returned to his pitiful losing ways. With the trade deadline just around the corner, now is the time for the league’s elite to sell out for a chip and the league’s poverty franchises to sell the farm.

Aidan v. Kiran

In a preview of the potential toilet bowl, both teams lived up to their low expectations. As the lights went down on MNF, Kiran topped Aidan off 113-107. For fans of defensive, gritty, and at-times ugly fantasy football, this one was an instant classic. For actual people, this game was more ass than a 10-7 Iowa-Northwestern game. In a game where Aidan needed a third straight Monday night miracle with all three of his receivers combining for 12 points, the fantasy gods had other plans. Ultimately, Aidan was absolutely carried by the Browns D and had no business winning this game, especially after benching the goat Taysom Hill. This was a really tough loss at a critical juncture in the season for the Magicians, who now drop to 3-6 on the season and take sole possession of last place.

Dean v. Pete

In a matchup of the sweatiest fantasy player vs. just the sweatiest guy in general (love you Pete), Pete showed why I was wrong to ever doubt him as the clear #1 in this league. In a week where the next highest scorer put up 143, Pete absolutely exploded with 163. After finally taking Deshaun out of his lineup, the fantasy gods rewarded Pete with a 41 point performance from future ROTY CJ Stroud. Stevenson and Ekeler added a casual combined 43 on top of that as well. This week proved that Pete can still put up crazy numbers without dominant Tyreek and Keenan Allen performances, making him the scariest team in the league by far. Dean should be encouraged by the strong performances of Dak and Dalton Schultz, but he has to be tweaking about the inconsistency of potential keepers Bijan and Jamarr.

Ian v. Lorcan

In a matchup of SoCal chillers and top 3 guys you’d want your daughter to bring home, Lorcan won an ugly one 125-112. While his random ass quarterback Clayton “Who Do You Know Here” Tune put up -0.8 points in his NFL debut, Lorcan was carried enough by Josh Jacobs and Stefon “Not Trevon” Diggs. Ian displayed a performance that can only be summed up in one word: mid. In short, Lorcan gets a nice bounce-back win after last week’s Monday Night heartbreaker and Ian returns to his fraudulent ways.

AJ v. Vamsi

In a matchup of two guys who definitely need therapy but will probably just injure themselves at the gym instead, AJ beat the only team more poorly managed than his own. He did this all while making a bum ass move leaving Diontae Johnson on his bench with 22 points. Vamsi’s bench legitimately outscored my entire team this week, but unfortunately he takes the L in this heartbreaking loss. Sure, you can say if Dalton Kincaid doesn’t fumble on SNF, Vamsi wins. Sure, you could say AJ got an extremely lucky win and is probably a fraud. But the facts are the facts and only one of these teams now has a winning record.

Saagar v. Nikith

The battle for Tulsa saw Saagar “The Donation” Basavaraju beat up on the birthday boy with 28 point efforts from Rachaad “He’s Definitely Not” White and fellow neighbor Ceedee Lamb. This was a huge win for Saagar to stay in the playoff race, while Nikith’s dependence on Lamar, CMC, Addison, and Puka may have been exposed. Nikith may have chosen Pukachu, but Puka chose to shit the bed. Even with this momentous win, I’m still fading Saagar.

Power Rankings

Pete
Dean
Nikith
Ian
Saagar
Vamsi
Aayush
Lorcan
Kiran
Aidan

Tuffington Performance

Vamsi losing by 1 point with like 100 million points on his bench.