PAC-10 Week 7 Recap

This is why we play. Hats off to the scriptwriters yet again, as this week had some absolutely crazy blowouts, ridiculous upsets, and nail-biting finishes. These scriptwriters should honestly go on strike because no one can be paid enough to write these games. Definitely better than any dogshit screenplay Beat-rice ever wrote. The lights were once again too bright for former PR1 Dean “Fraud” Tessone, as the Ja’Martians dropped their second straight. Cause of death: Aidan’s MMC. In other news around the league, Kiran’s win streak extended to 3, Ian stayed hot, and Nikith’s squad returned with a vengeance. OH AND DID I MENTION PETE LOST TO FUCKING VAMSI? Truly one of the fantasy weeks of the season.

Aidan v. Dean

In his first true road test of the season, Dean traveled to the Windy City to face Aidan’s team of scrapsters on his home turf. Under the roof of the actual Mickey Mouse Martin Clubhouse, Dean was outdueled in an instant classic that came down to the wire on MNF. While Dean lost Bijan to a mystery illness known as ligma, Aidan struggled without DK’s throbbing BBC in his lineup. Luckily, the Browns D put up 20 buckaroos, Jahmyr Gibbs posted 27 in garbage time, and TJ Hockenzyn feasted on receptions on Monday night to cement the must-have win for big AIDS. When asked about his team’s performance, Aidan said, “Don’t let us get another one”. Things are only looking up for the 2-5 former champ whose playoff odds have increased to a whopping 2%. On the other hand, Dean faces a mid-season crisis as he’s lost his last two games to sub 500 teams.

Ian v. AJ

In a move that can only be described as a disgusting act on par with a certain TD celebration from Randy Moss, Ian secured the win on Sunday night and then benched his defense to make a statement heard round the league. At 5-2, that statement did not go unnoticed as Ian bounced back from an abysmal Week 6. PPR god Alvin Kamara returned to form with 30 points and Saquon added 18 to demonstrate the elite, Lamar-Jackson-esque caliber of Ian’s running back room. Jonathan Taylor had a solid 21 point game and Kelce put on a show for Taylor and Jackson Mahomes with 35 points. Unfortunately for AJ, Mahomes was the one throwing Kelce the ball and he finished with 33 points himself. Even with this crushing 3 point loss, AJ should be able to build on this game as he continues his quest to lose in the championship once again.

Nikith v. Lorcan

In a matchup of certified chillers and two guys I’d want in my dream blunt rotation if Nikith burned, Pukachu delivered a blowout more criminal than Japan’s Rape of Nanking. This game was such a human rights violation that even Kim Jong-Un signed off on a UN resolution to stop the bleeding. Nikith’s team was firing on all cylinders, with Lamar posting 33, CMC adding two more TD’s and 22 points, and Jordan Addizyn running around SF’s defense of thugs for 31 points. Nikith has proven he doesn’t need an elite or even mediocre QB2 to put up legendary numbers. Expect Lorcan to come back strong from this one, especially his QB’s and RBs.

Saagar v. Kiran

I honestly get chills from watching Kiran cook. Somehow, some way, this Ninja manages to keep picking up wins each week while moving in silence like lasagna. He’s steadily been rising in the PR even without flashy wins. Often times, it’s mystery men like waiver wire add D’Onta Foreman getting him the win with 33 points. Meanwhile, Saagar’s “superteam” continues to disappoint week after week. He showed his lack of depth at the WR position, as he wasn’t able to overcome the bye weeks of Adam “Hooked on a” Thielen and Ceedee Lamb. Perhaps the One World Trade Center needs to return to the negotiating table and inject this locker room with new blood.

Vamsi v. Pete

Led by another iconic performance from AJ “Browner than Aayush” Brown, Vamsi pulled off the upset over Pete. Revenge for the incessant clicking of Pete’s mechanical keyboard? One could say that. One could also say Vamsi got lucky and should have no business beating anybody starting Cole Kmet and Mecole “Still Not Tyreek” Hardman. The real Tyreek put up another 25 point game for Pete, but Deshaun “Rapist?” Watson finished with -1.8 points on the day. With that kind of performance, Pete has to be wondering to himself, “At what point is Deshaun definitely guilty?”

Power Rankings

Nikith
Ian
Pete
Dean
Aayush
Kiran
Saagar
Lorcan
Vamsi
Aidan