PAC-10 Week 5 Recap

PAC-10 Week Five Recap

Summary

Back by popular demand, leading journalist Aidan Martin has returned to write this week’s Chard Fantasy Football Recap. In the words of Michael Jordan, “I’m back”. While I would love to spend this recap talking about this week’s standout performances and egregious duds, I feel like I need to address a multitude of recent developments on the trading front. After acquiring certified bum Miles Sanders, Aidan made a blockbuster trade and flipped him and a 1st rounder to Kiran’s squad for D Swiftie. With a legit RB1 and Kiran’s backs more injured than AJ during wrestling season, Aidan won’t go down without a fight in the Sacko Bowl. AJ also made a big splash on the trade block, severing his sexual attraction to several players in two exchanges with Dean. The verdict is still out on this move, but some teams at the bottom of the standings are definitely starting to think about next year and the #CalebSweepstakes. And this week finally marks the end of Pete’s perfect season, leaving no team unbeaten. The season is officially heating up, and things will undoubtedly get chippy as 10 teams battle for 4 playoff spots.

Aidan v. Vamsi

The Battle for Kappa Ligma saw Vamsi get out to an early lead and never look back. Another great performance from Monty and a vintage showing from DHop carried Vomze to victory in the battle against his big bro. The return of Goober Gubb was huge for Aids to go along with the 4 TDs of new acquisition Brock “Big Cock” McGirthy. With Mostert becoming the no. 1 back in Miami for a while and D’Andre Swift doing D’Andre Swift things, I like this team’s chances of making a similar late-season push to the one we saw in that historic 2020 season. Vamsi proved he isn’t that bad at fantasy football and may have saved himself from Sack territory for now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Josh Dobbs and Hunter Henry cost him games down the line.

Dean vs. AJ

In a game that shall go down as the Banana Bread Massacre, Dean fucked Aayush harder than Israel is gonna fuck up Hamas. His biggest weapon of mass destruction, Jamarr Chase, laid a nuclear turd on AJ’s sorry excuse for a team. Etienne came in with a drone strike targeted at civilians, and the Steelers D added a ballistic missile for good measure. If any of this offends you, I swear to god I’ll boot you from the league faster than we booted Soham. Predictably, Anthony “RGIII” Richardson went down again for AJ even tho Waddle finally had a decent game and Kelce and Pickens popped off. Remember when Dean laughed about sleeper projecting Kelce 19 points? Yea he scored 22 with a bad ankle and then got head from T Swift in the locker room. But Kelce’s celebrity cock wasn’t enough for AJ to stay competitive and now Dean is looking less and less like a fraud at 4-1.

Ian v. Pete

Sam motherfucking LaPorta. The fact that Ian picked the #1 TE in fantasy off waivers makes me exclusively want to draft Iowa tight ends from now on. LaPorta’s two TD effort combined with a bounce back performance from Calvin Ridley was enough to overcome a dud from Jordan Love and slay Pete the Giant (not a fat joke and fuck you for thinking it was). Even with Tyreek and Zack Moss combining for 65, the Professor didn’t have the depth to come out on top in this one. Especially with the Boys D putting up a goose and Rhamondre Stevenson looking like the rest of the Patriots offense right now, Pete just didn’t have the firepower across the board. Keenan Allen and Austin Ekeler returning next week will be huge for him, so expect a bounce back from the Big Fella. This was an ugly win for Ian and I still don’t believe in his ability to win in the playoffs, but I can’t argue with a 4-1 record.

Nikith v. Kiran

Do not count this man out. Plagued by injuries and Joe Burrow’s lethargic start, Kiran started 0-4 before pulling off the upset this weekend over Nikith. We know Kiran thrives under pressure and is probably making some crazy excel right now to salvage his season. Or maybe not because he just traded his best RB the day before he lost his second best RB. Either way, his 1-4 record is deceiving and I actually believe K dog can compete if Burrow keeps it up and Kittle does his thing. McCaffrey coming back down to earth hurt Nikith big time and showed how his team rides and dies with CMC and Lamar. His roster is still all around solid and a 3-2 start is legit, but Daniel Jones is the clear Achilles heel of this team.

Saagar v. Lorcan

Saagar better have him team running suicides at practice after this one. With lofty goals of a championship or at least making the playoffs for once, Saagar just lost to a team that started Zach Wilson and an injured Aaron Jones. Truly an embarrassment for the franchise, who now will be without the #1 player in all of fantasy, Justin Jefferson. It seems Saagar was absolutely exposed for his dependence on cowboys players and Jjeff. And with Justzyn Fields unlikely to put up 30 every week, Saagar should honestly just think about tanking this year. In one of the most baller moves I’ve ever seen in my years of fantasy, Lorcan started both Bills WRs and they both popped off for 24 and 22. He broke the #1 rule in fantasy, didn’t set his lineup, and still exposed Saagar for the fraud that he is. That’s why we call him LorKing

Power Rankings

Dean
Pete
Ian
Nikith
Lorcan
Saagar
AJ
Vamsi
Aidan
Kiran

Tuffington Performance - AJ not starting DJ Moore (49 pts). Wouldn’t have probably mattered anyway lol