Week 4 of the 2023 season

Pac-10 Week 4 Recap

by: Ian Broadbooks

Pac 10 Week 4 Recap

How many rings does Klay have? Fourrrrrrrrr. Week 4 is in the books, and it was a crazy one. We’re starting to figure out who’s good, who’s bad, and that there really is no bounds to how bad of a trade Aidan can make. I am the Corrupt Commish filling in today for the journalist Aidan Martin, who is currently having a temper tantrum over last week’s performance, and this is your week 4 recap. *Cue the Boom’s fastest 3 music*

Pete def (8) Aidan, 126.76-92.68

We travel first to the Midwest for one of the most storied rivalries in Chard history. Boys, let me tell you a story. One fateful evening, Aidan was being a dumbass, drunk out of his mind, running down the halls like a maniac, when out of nowhere he got TRUCKED by former D lineman Pete. This was the second biggest tackle of his career only after his safety in US Bank stadium, though Skip Bayless told me he thinks this tackle was even bigger. Well, history always repeats itself, and this weekend we saw Aidan get trucked by Pete once more, this time on the fantasy app. Though his elite WR duo of Tyreek and Keenan Allen went MIA this week, Pete’s QBs and defense picked up the slack to get him to a modest 126.76 points, enough for the victory. Aidan’s team, on the other hand, had one of the worst performances of the season. He’s about to lose the title of Mickey Mouse because in order to be a fraud, someone needs to actually think you’re good. Aids had dogshit performances all around, led by Raheem Mostert and Jahmyr Gibbs, perhaps the worst RB duo in the league. I think Aids would sell his soul for a championship caliber fantasy team, but then he probably would have sold it for draft picks 3 weeks later. Convincing win for Pete to remain in 1st place.

Nikith def (6) AJ, 167.96-131.46

Let’s set the scene. It’s Friday night in the Chard, poker game in full force. One of the biggest hands of the night. Ian folds, playing cautious. Kiran folds, having just won a big hand. Dean already lost, said he didn’t care, and is now sweating with Saagar. Pete straddled long ago, but it didn’t hit this time. Lorcan walks in offering snacks. So ferda. 3 remain in the hand. AJ, the big stack, Nikith, with a modest stack, and Saagar, the small stack. AJ, fire in his eye and nothing in his hand, declares he’s all in. Saagar calls. Nikith calls. Tension rising, Aidan walks in the room, asking if we’ve started yet and proclaiming that Solazzo offered him dinner, breaking the tension. AJ looks like he’s about to pop off. The boys flip their cards. Saagar declares “I’ve got nothing.” It’s down to two. AJ and Nikith. AJ needs the river to hit. This is why we call him N word AJ. This is it. Ian flips the river card; it’s not what AJ needed. AJ and Saagar have just gifted their stacks to Nikith, the new chip leader. This is basically what happened this weekend. I do not know why AJ’s fraudulent team is not being talked about more. Bro has only gotten more than 130 points one time, and it was this week. I guarantee Jonathan Taylor will not be the saving grace that AJ needs, and he’ll remain in fantasy irrelevance. Nikith, on the other hand, is legit. Dude had a tough loss in week 3, but has put up a couple monster scores this season. Led by Christian McCaffrey, Puka Nacua, Kyren Williams, and Lamar Jackson, Nikith definitely has some holes in his lineup, but that star power could be all he needs. Big win for Nikith over AJ’s bums this week. I’m so asleep on AJ’s team it’s not even funny.

(5) Saagar def (3) Ian, 173.28-138.98

A friendly rivalry dating back all the way to freshman year, the smash matchups between myself and Saagar were far from electric. Usually, Saagar played in big bro mode, mostly goofing around and letting me win sometimes. Though Saagar is known to be benevolent in the video game arena, in fantasy football, he is a stone cold killer. He’s looking to make the playoffs for the first time, and it shows. Dude said draft picks be damned and is going all out to get himself a ring this year. And this week, it finally showed. In one of the higher scoring matchups of the week, Saagar’s super team finally started to mesh, putting up a great score of 173. It was one of the more balanced performances we’ve seen yet, with everybody but Tony Pollard scoring over 10 points. Justin Fields finally had a good game, Justin Jefferson did what Justin Jefferson does, and Mark Andrews balled out for two scores over Cleveland. Critty Kirk looked like how he did last year, James Cook continues to perform, just all around a fundamental performance from Saagar. You just can’t teach that. On the other hand, my team was kind of all over the place this week. Achane and Scary Terry looked insane in the early window with 27, but Miles Sanders and Kenny Pickett shit the bed. Either way, my team is getting healthy with Kamara and hopefully Saquon back soon, and I just traded for Jordan Love who can hopefully be a consistent QB2. Still, there’s no such thing as a moral victory in fantasy football, and Saagar emerged as Simp of the Year out of the matchup. Sources tell me he now once again believes he can get with Gabby as a result of this win.

(4.) Dean def (10) Kiran, 105.96-69.76

I’m trying to come up with a dramatic way to introduce this matchup, but I’m distracted by Kiran’s score. Holy shit that’s terrible. Tuffington Post gonna be talking about this story for the next two months. Bro is getting shipped out to Guangdong tomorrow to go play for the Tigers. Dude needs to start preparing for his show on the Vegas strip right now. Insert any other trope you know about a horrendous performance. I think Kiran’s fantasy team is worse than Desmond Ridder is at quarterback. Dude is having the championship slump of a lifetime, and I’m not sure when he’ll win his first game, but it’ll probably be against me cuz I’m chirping so much. Anyways, these boys date back to the first week of freshman year, all the way back in Pardee Tower. They lived next to each other for the next four years, and they both remained in LA to stay close to one another. Half of me thinks that this week was COLLUSION, and Kiran tanked on purpose to let Dean have another FRAUDULENT victory with barely over 100 points. Dean’s only player to put up more than 20 is now off his roster, and he had Goedert, Amari Cooper, and the Steelers D combine for 7.1 points. You think that’s bad? I’m pretty sure that CMC and Nacua outscored Kiran’s whole team this week. Deebo, Kittle, the Dolphins D, and Pittman combined for 5 points. 5 points. You read it correctly. 4 players, 5 points. Horrendous. I’m not sure either of these guys are contenders this year, but Dean is 3-1, so that’s at least worth something.

(9) Vamsi def (7) Lorcan, 180.58-138.98

The battle of the unit 3 dishes. How many times in the whole of senior year did Vamsi do his dishes? When reporter AJ Johnson asked the Chunky Monkey, he just said “I’ll tell you if you bench two plates.” Well Lorcan does bench two plates, so he was looking like a formidable opponent for the Chunkster this week. Allegedly being the bye week of the season, Vamsi’s team did a complete 180 this week, putting up 180 points. I’m pretty much ready to declare Vamsi a playoff team now, as he also had Monty on his bench put up 34.1. Huge weeks from Josh Allen, AJ Brown, and Derrick Henry were in store, and I think Vamsi can beat anyone now. Lorcan, on the other hand, can’t catch a break, and keeps getting the highest points in a loss award. Aaron Jones and Mike Evans both had rough games, but it wouldn’t have mattered this week, as Vamsi won by a landslide. I think Lorcan might stop offering Vamsi snacks after this beatdown, but I ask the crowd, maybe that’s just what the Chunky Monkey needs.

Current standings:

  1. Pete, 4-0, 660 PF
  2. Nikith, 3-1, 591 PF
  3. Ian, 3-1, 535 PF
  4. Dean, 3-1, 479 PF
  5. Saagar, 2-2, 578 PF
  6. AJ, 2-2, 487 PF
  7. Lorcan, 1-3, 547 PF
  8. Aids, 1-3, 528 PF
  9. Vamthebombdotcom, 1-3, 510 PF
  10. Kiran, 0-4, 458 PF

Current points scored:

  1. Pete
  2. Nikith
  3. Saagar
  4. Lorcan
  5. Ian
  6. Aidan
  7. Vamsi
  8. Aayush
  9. Dean
  10. Kiran

Power Rankings:

  1. Pete
  2. Saagar
  3. Nikith
  4. Ian
  5. Lorcan
  6. Vamsi
  7. Dean
  8. Aayush
  9. Aidan
  10. Kiran

Tuffington performance of the week:

Deebo Samuel (0.6)